The Call to Kindness in Conflict
We all face conflict. Whether in personal relationships, at work, or in our communities, disagreements and misunderstandings are inevitable. But how we respond in those moments can determine the trajectory of our relationships and, more importantly, reflect our walk with Christ.
In Romans 12:17-21, the Apostle Paul gives us a radical way to respond to conflict—not with anger, bitterness, or revenge, but with kindness, love, and peace. These verses challenge us to respond to evil not with evil, but with good. This is a higher calling, one that reflects the very nature of Christ Himself.
Romans 12:17-21 (NASB):
"Never repay evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord. But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
This powerful scripture calls us to respond to conflict with kindness, humility, and grace. Let’s explore how we can put this into practice in our everyday lives.
"Never Repay Evil for Evil"
The first principle Paul teaches us is to never repay evil for evil. In our fallen nature, it’s easy to retaliate when wronged. We feel the urge to get even or to “set the record straight.” But Paul reminds us that vengeance belongs to God, not to us.
Why It’s Important: Taking revenge only perpetuates a cycle of pain and bitterness. Instead of solving the problem, it often escalates the conflict. By choosing kindness, we break that cycle and create space for healing and reconciliation.
Actionable Step:
Next time you feel the urge to retaliate, pause. Take a deep breath and ask God for the strength to respond in kindness instead of reacting in anger. Reflect on the situation and ask yourself: How can I respond in a way that honors God and opens the door for peace?
What It Looks Like: Think of a garden. If you plant thorns, you’ll only get more thorns. But when you plant seeds of kindness, you create a space for peace and healing to grow.
"If Possible, Be at Peace with All Men"
Paul acknowledges that peace isn’t always possible, but he calls us to do everything we can to pursue it. This means that we should not be the ones to escalate conflict. Instead, we are called to pursue reconciliation as far as it depends on us.
Why It’s Important: Striving for peace honors God. Jesus, the Prince of Peace, modeled for us how to approach conflict with love and humility. When we pursue peace, we reflect His character to the world around us.
Actionable Step:
Identify an ongoing conflict in your life where peace has not been reached. What is one action you can take today to restore peace? It might be a simple conversation, an apology, or even just listening without judgment. Commit to taking that step, trusting that God will use it for His glory.
What It Looks Like: Pursuing peace is like mending a torn garment. It requires careful attention, patience, and a willingness to work through the fraying edges. But when you invest the effort, the result is a restored and stronger bond.
"Overcome Evil with Good"
One of the most challenging aspects of responding to conflict is the call to overcome evil with good. It’s easy to return evil for evil, but Paul challenges us to go beyond that. When we repay evil with good, we reflect God’s nature, who desires to redeem rather than destroy.
Why It’s Important: God’s goodness is greater than any evil we may face. When we respond with kindness, we demonstrate the transformative power of His love and break down walls of hostility.
Actionable Step:
Choose a specific act of kindness for someone who has wronged you. It could be something small, like offering a kind word or serving them in a way that disarms their hostility. Watch how kindness has the power to break down barriers and open hearts.
What It Looks Like: Think of light shining in darkness. When you respond to conflict with kindness, you are lighting the way for peace to enter the situation. The darkness of anger, hatred, and bitterness cannot stand against the light of God’s love.
"Leave Room for the Wrath of God"
This is one of the most freeing aspects of responding to conflict with kindness: we don’t have to seek revenge. God is the ultimate judge, and He will handle wrongs in His perfect timing. This allows us to release the need for control and trust that God will make all things right.
Why It’s Important: We don’t have to carry the weight of justice ourselves. Trusting God with vengeance frees us to focus on showing kindness, which is what we’re called to do. When we surrender the need to get even, we are choosing to align ourselves with God’s will for peace and reconciliation.
Actionable Step:
Release any desire for vengeance or retribution to God. Write down the names of people you feel wronged by and pray for them, asking God to work in their hearts and bring about His justice in His way and timing.
What It Looks Like: Releasing anger and seeking God’s justice is like laying down a heavy burden. When we let go of our desire for revenge, we are free to walk in the lightness of God’s peace.
Application: Responding with Kindness in Real Life
Living out the teachings of Romans 12:17-21 requires intentional action. Responding to conflict with kindness isn’t always easy, but it is always worthwhile. Here are some next steps for you to take as you pursue peace in your relationships:
Reflect: Take time this week to reflect on any areas of conflict in your life. Are you holding on to resentment or bitterness? Ask God to help you respond with kindness.
Act: Commit to performing one act of kindness for someone who has wronged you. This might be a kind word, a small favor, or offering forgiveness.
Pray: Pray for God’s wisdom in handling conflicts with grace. Ask Him to help you trust His timing for justice and to guide you in choosing kindness.
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